Journal Series: Social Battery

The height of summer is upon us, and I can honestly say I am completely exhausted. My social battery is at an all-time low, and the crazy part is that I haven’t even done much at all. So, what the hell is happening here?

I know that part of my problem is that I’ve been working from home for years now and my physical social meter has depleted quite a bit. However, I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I’ve been finding myself thinking about the COVID-19 lockdowns a bit more lately. Yeah, I know, it’s been several years since those dark times, but somehow, I’m feeling the effects a lot more right now. Dare I say, I miss the lockdowns? I’m definitely not missing COVID, but those lockdowns were peaceful times! People were mandated to stay home, crowds were isolated, social distancing was alive and well, and gatherings were restricted in size. You could not get invited anywhere and you could not issue invitations. As an introvert, this was fucking paradise. Coupled with the fact that I was able to work from home, I felt like I was sitting good. Not only did I not have to see people who really pissed me off on a daily basis, but I could also finally catch a break from all the physical hustle and bustle.

But luckily the world became a little safer from the disease and eventually all the restrictions ended. What I expected at the time was for some great habits to have been developed during the pandemic. Thinking back on it, there were quite a few good things that came about. Hygiene became more important and so did the concept of personal space. We learned to be content with life at home and we strengthened our bonds with our loved ones. Some of us even took the opportunity to learn new things, like cooking and crafting. There was also ample time to reflect and soul-search, which was not an easy thing to do being on the go all the time. However, now in 2024, none of these things seem to have amounted to anything. Or maybe I am in the minority who benefited from the lockdown days.

The first thing that became apparent was that people could not handle being locked up, and they decided that they would make up for lost time. Fair. I get it, but I also find that pathetic. Unless your home has roaches, is there a need to be out of it everyday, needlessly? What makes you hate it so much? Honestly, I don’t care what you do until it affects my ability to get around my own city and let me just say… Toronto is hell now. The concept of personal space and hygiene are myths of the past. Additionally, all those events you were able to dodge before? Not a chance anymore. Weddings, weddings, and more weddings. Bigger and grander than ever. The invitations keep pouring in and people don’t care for your excuses. Your mental health and budget mean nothing to others. This leads to my next point, which is that everyone feels entitled and that the spotlight is solely on them. You absolutely cannot share a public space nor have a differing opinion. When you combine all these things together, it creates for an overwhelming social climate that is far more aggressive and unhinged than it ever was before. Everyday it gets worse, hence why I can’t help but think about just how horrible the pandemic really was.

So now it all boils down to this: how do you manage your social battery when the social environment around you is so fiercely demanding?

Honestly, the big play here is sticking to your guns and prioritizing yourself as much as possible. I caution you–people will not like this. Remember, they believe you are a supporting character in their story, not an equal. It’s important to evaluate your relationships and understand who your equals and biggest supporters are. Those are the people you want to give your social energy to. But there will be times when you must see acquaintances, colleagues, and even complete strangers when you really don’t want to. As much as you may hate it, you may not have a choice. This is where I like to do a mental checklist in my head to determine how much to push myself. This is super important at times when your anxiety and depression are shining brightly. These are the questions I ask myself:

• Am I feeling a lot of anxiety about going?
• If so, why am I feeling nervous and is there anything I can do to overcome it?
• Do I absolutely have to go?
• That is, is someone depending on me to be there?
• Will I unnecessarily hurt someone’s feelings by not showing up?
• Will attending benefit me and contribute to my betterment?
• Can I live with the consequences saying ‘no’?
• Is the person I’m saying ‘no’ to capable of understanding?

While these may seem like obvious questions, you might be surprised by what you learn from the answers. Maybe you’ll realize that this is a relationship that puts too much pressure on you to show up for things you’re not comfortable with. Maybe you’ll gain insight into who your true friends are and who is just superficial instead. Maybe you’ll set some well-needed boundaries for yourself. Or maybe you’ll realize how important it is to push through the anxiety for the right people and right reasons.

Extroverts and social butterflies will never understand these feelings because their battery is always fully charged. This is just my humble opinion, but sometimes those same people thrive on outside validation to fill a certain void in their own life. This can be the driving force that pushes them to live larger than life, something you are trying to do the opposite of. Heed my words: there is nothing wrong with you, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. People get social anxiety for a lot of reasons; insecurities, peer-pressure, noise-sensitivity, fear, shame, etc… But sometimes there are people who are just really comfortable in their own world. They are content with their space, their small circle, their hobbies, and ultimately themselves. They enjoy the simple things in life, they fly under the radar, and they decide when and where to put themselves out there.

At the end of the day, your life is yours to live, and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you should be free to spend your time as you wish. This is a belief system I have come to embrace confidently over the past year especially. Summer can be a hectic time when things are happening every single day. Make sure you take the time to charge your social battery and use it only when absolutely necessary. Good luck!